Newspaper Clippings - 2/8

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Selected Clippings from the Syracuse Post-Standard, 2/8-2/13

Storm Nemo Responsible for Four Deaths in Syracuse

… Early Saturday morning, Earl Prescott, Jr, drove an unregistered 1986 Chevrolet El Camino into a telephone pole at the north end of Erie Boulevard. The scene was described by Syracuse Police Department representatives as “particularly gruesome.” Police report that physical symptoms consistent with alcohol intoxication were evident on the victim, but toxicology reports were inconclusive. Police Sergeant Miles Long described Mr. Prescott as, “a ruffian, a drug-user, and a guy we’ve seen in and out way too many times. While I don’t wish that sort of death on anyone, I would urge citizens not to waste too much sympathy on one drunk hoodlum. The weather was probably only a minor factor in this accident.”

Assault at Local Adult Boutique

…Adult World Manager Grey “Bam-Bam” Thompson would only say that his employee was assaulted, “in just about the most cowardly way you can imagine. I mean, it’s getting to the point you can’t run an honest business in this city anymore.” He described the assailants as a motley group of one woman and three men of various ages. Police refused official comment, but one department source agreed to speak anonymously. “Look, it’s a porn shop, okay? These things happen. Are we going to keep our eyes open? Of course. But I think it’s funny that Mr. Thompson only seems concerned when he’s the victim of crime, and never when he’s profiting from it.”

Syracuse University Archeology Department Gets National Recognition

…Dr. Yolanda Rimes of the Maxwell School Department of Archeology led the expedition in Egypt. While the site yielded numerous artifacts, Dr. Rimes has been lauded for one in particular – an almost intact papyrus manuscript dating to approximately 1000-800 BC. “The pages were stored in a surprisingly airtight vault, and suffered very little decay,” Dr. Rimes informed members of the press. “Certainly, our immediate goal is to confirm the authenticity of these documents, but beyond that, there is much to study in the pages themselves. Dealing with a previously unknown branch of mythology, this manuscript is a set of laws written for beings described as ‘gods among men,’ who would keep humans as slaves as well as for food, and who possessed supernatural strength and intelligence. I think we’ll be studying this manuscript for quite some time, and when we do release all the findings, it will make a huge impact on our understanding of the ancient world.”

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Newspaper Clippings - 2/8

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